i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
