Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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