i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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