yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
