:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
