It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My life is pants optional.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
