I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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