I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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