he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize