I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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