you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
