Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
