That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
