He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
