My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
