was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
