blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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