It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize