We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
