I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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