She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
