Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
