wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
