Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
