I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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