Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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