HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
