eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
