his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
