U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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