Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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