Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
