How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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