the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love you. Go after that dick