i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.