i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Houston, we have a blender
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
