when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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