It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
