i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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