I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
