So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
