It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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