the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
