i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
