apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
