you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
