so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
