this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
