whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
