Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
