For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
