A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
