At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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