WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
