If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
