I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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