I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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