you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
