i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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