Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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