I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
