filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I pour the whiskey from now on
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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