He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I would fuck him just for his dog
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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