i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
