I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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