So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize