jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
