Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
