she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
