My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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